I love the way guys just cut right to the the chase!
cognizant dissident
JoinedPosts by cognizant dissident
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75
Not allowed to sleep over - is that weird?
by collegegirl21 inokay, so my guy and i have been together for 10 months and we usually are ok together.
but there is something that has been getting to me and i think its unusual, but please correct me if i'm wrong - he won't let me sleep over at his house.
and he hardly ever stays at my house, he's maybe stayed here 3 times in our whole relationship.
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15
Those wicked worldly people
by Paralipomenon inwell twenty days ago, my wife decided to check things out and start reading and posting here.
i thought i'd give a bit of an update on how things are going because she's still quite reluctant to create a new topic herself.
she has been reading alot of older posts on the forums and getting caught up, that has led to a few topics or comments by me that she's questioned me on.
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cognizant dissident
I have met so many great worldly people. I admit, I sometimes feel out of place with them, like I don't know how to relate and make friends like a normal person.
With the holidays, I started small. I gave Christmas cards and a little stocking stuffer to everyone in my meditation group. They knew it was my first Christmas and were very appreciative. My son and I exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve. We went out for a Christmas dinner at a restaurant on Christmas day. One of the highlights was on Christmas Eve a family of carolers came to our door and serenaded me! It was utterly charming. I didn't know what I was supposed to do though, except clap when they were done. I didn't have any Christmas cookies or candy canes in the house for the kids. Holidays for Dummies would have been helpful. Next year, I plan to be prepared so I hope they come back!
Also, this summer, instead of my annual JW barbecue, I invited everyone in my meditation group over for dinner. It was the first time I ever hand non-witnesses (except my aunt) over for dinner. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. It was the only dinner party I ever had where no-one got drunk, hit on some one else's spouse, or started preaching or arguing. How was I supposed to know if they were having a good time! Very strange! Yeah, those worldly people are sooo badly behaved!
Cog
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78
Atheists vs Theists - IQ Score
by serotonin_wraith ini've heard about a few studies that show atheists are smarter than theists in some aspects of life- science, maths, etc.
i'm not sure how true it is though, so let's see how we do.
i did my test at www.iqtest.com.
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cognizant dissident
Forgot to say what they were (idiots lol j/k!)-Anony-Mouse 127
Twitch 128
cognizant dissident 150
Jeffro 'genius'ROFLMAO! I am an atheist. I agree with what John Doe said. Every group always thinks they are the smartest. Didn't we all think we were so much smarter than everyone else when we were JW's? When I told my father I didn't want to be a witness anymore, he said, But I don't understand! You're so intelligent!" As if the two are mutually exclusive.
I also think childhood conditioning has a lot to do with beliefs. If we were born JW's and never exposed to another viewpoint, or had witheld all the information, how could we make an informed choice? If we were, by an accident of birth, born in a Muslim country, how many of us would be bowing towards Mecca today? If Darwin had never existed and other leading evolutionary biologists, is it possible many of us would still be believing in some sort of God? Let's not be arrogant and acknowledge that ALL of us, without exception, build on a foundation that was laid by many before us. We are not all born on a level playing field in physical/mental health, education, and opportunity.
Cog
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78
Atheists vs Theists - IQ Score
by serotonin_wraith ini've heard about a few studies that show atheists are smarter than theists in some aspects of life- science, maths, etc.
i'm not sure how true it is though, so let's see how we do.
i did my test at www.iqtest.com.
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cognizant dissident
Terry is awfully smart, so I think he probably does know that! Maybe now that he knows I am smart too, he will deign to talk to me!
Cog
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78
Atheists vs Theists - IQ Score
by serotonin_wraith ini've heard about a few studies that show atheists are smarter than theists in some aspects of life- science, maths, etc.
i'm not sure how true it is though, so let's see how we do.
i did my test at www.iqtest.com.
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cognizant dissident
So, you're like Einstein?
Modesty and humility prevents me from making such comparisons. Let's just say I am working on my own theory of relativity. It goes something like this. The degree of a person's intelligence is inversely proportionate to the amount of time they spend speaking. (This could also explain nvrgnbck's IQ score!)
Cog (I think I will zip it now before I prove my own theory correct! )
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78
Atheists vs Theists - IQ Score
by serotonin_wraith ini've heard about a few studies that show atheists are smarter than theists in some aspects of life- science, maths, etc.
i'm not sure how true it is though, so let's see how we do.
i did my test at www.iqtest.com.
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cognizant dissident
Thank you for your interest in the test at IQTest.com.
Your general IQ score is: 150I went back and took the test again and this time I got 150. So it is confirmed, I am a genius and this IS a very accurate test!
Also, LOL at Twitch! No that was not on purpose! You can be a genius and be a bad speller. Did you see any spelling questions on the test? For your information, Einstein could not spell worth shit!
Cog (of the "I may not be a genius class but I"m smart enough to outwit an online test!)
ps: Everyone go back and take the test again. It is much easier the second time. They don't even change the questions. You could all be genius' (like me) and not even realize it! (even nvrgnbck but he make need to take it 5 or 6 times)
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Atheists vs Theists - IQ Score
by serotonin_wraith ini've heard about a few studies that show atheists are smarter than theists in some aspects of life- science, maths, etc.
i'm not sure how true it is though, so let's see how we do.
i did my test at www.iqtest.com.
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cognizant dissident
I too must question the validity of any test that does not recognize my obvious genious! Also, look at poor nvrgnbck's score. This test practically portrays him as the village idiot, drooling and grinning while he plays with himself in public! Hmm. Maybe there IS something to it? I will go back and give it a second try.
Cog
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75
Not allowed to sleep over - is that weird?
by collegegirl21 inokay, so my guy and i have been together for 10 months and we usually are ok together.
but there is something that has been getting to me and i think its unusual, but please correct me if i'm wrong - he won't let me sleep over at his house.
and he hardly ever stays at my house, he's maybe stayed here 3 times in our whole relationship.
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cognizant dissident
Big alarm bells going off here College Girl!
He says he will only hold you and love you when you are no longer acting insecure? How about holding you and loving you when YOU need to be held and to be loved? Now theres a novel idea. If he can be this withholding of affection and attention now, when you are supposedly in the love and romance stage of the relationship, how is he going to act if you ever marry him? He will dole out love and affection to you in little scraps, like Pavlov's dog, just enough to keep you coming back for more scraps, but starving slowly never the less. I can picture it now. Every little thing that he doesn't like or approve of about you, and the list will probably grow longer every year, he will use as an excuse to punish you by withdrawing his affection and love.
Taking a break, is an excellent idea. Remember how you felt tonight, and see if not being with him makes you feel worse or better. I'm not saying he is a bad guy. Maybe he is just a bad guy for you. You have been through a lot and obviously need lots of love, affection and support to help you to feel more secure. You aren't going to get it from this guy, whether you wait two weeks or two years.
Cog
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75
Not allowed to sleep over - is that weird?
by collegegirl21 inokay, so my guy and i have been together for 10 months and we usually are ok together.
but there is something that has been getting to me and i think its unusual, but please correct me if i'm wrong - he won't let me sleep over at his house.
and he hardly ever stays at my house, he's maybe stayed here 3 times in our whole relationship.
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cognizant dissident
Hey College Girl
No criticism here. Only empathy. Speaking as one confirmed "people pleaser" to another, I also got reinstated at age 21, just so I could see my little sisters who I loved dearly and who were witheld from me by my parents when I was df'd at 18. Then, restored to my "loving" family, I tried hard to be the perfect JW, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, always with the goal of being externally validated and making sure everyone else was happy. Was I happy? No, I was miserable and depressed and didn't even have a clue why? I just knew no one seemed to concerned with what I wanted or making me happy. Why would they? People will treat us as we allow ourselves to be treated. There is a lot of truth in that old saying.
Back to you. You ARE insecure! You are 22. That is almost a guarantee at your age, having been raised a JW, a female, and subjected to the psychological abuse of shunning! Why should you have to stop ACTING insecure? It would be much better if you could stop BEING insecure. Not to please your boyfriend, but to please yourself. I admit, I don't like his tone, giving you an ultimatum of two weeks to stop acting a certain way. Perhaps you could give him an ultimatum. He has two weeks to stop acting like a control freak and if he can manage that then you might do him the honor of sleeping over! It's all in the attitude girl!
Seriously though, to really BE secure, one has to feel safe and loved. Waiting for other people to make you feel that way can be a long and lonely wait. I know. I waited until I was 38 years old and severely clinically depressed before I learned to start asking myself, what do I want? It has taken years of counseling and practice, but now I feel I know who I am and what I want out of life. I don't always get it, but still it's nice to know. You might as start learning now. Ask yourself questions. What qualities does college girl want in a man? In a relationship? What way do you want to be treated? To be spoken too? How much intimacy do you want? How long are you willing to wait for it to develop? How do you want to spend your work time, your free time? Do you always do what your friends enjoy? What your boyfriend enjoys? Do you even know what you enjoy? When you know yourself well enough to know what you want and feel you have just as much right to pursue your own happiness as everyone else does, then you will start making yourself feel safe and loved, regardless of how anyone acts. I sure wished I had learned this at 22 instead of 42.
Cog (dying to know how it turns out, you better keep me filled in!)
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75
Not allowed to sleep over - is that weird?
by collegegirl21 inokay, so my guy and i have been together for 10 months and we usually are ok together.
but there is something that has been getting to me and i think its unusual, but please correct me if i'm wrong - he won't let me sleep over at his house.
and he hardly ever stays at my house, he's maybe stayed here 3 times in our whole relationship.
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cognizant dissident
One note of caution College girl: If you set a new boundary with someone, you can't be too attached to their responding in a certain way, the way that you want them to respond. You have to be fully prepared to ACCEPT their response even if it is not what you hoped for. The example I gave is just that, an example of what seems reasonable to me. I don't have to live with it though. The boundary you set should be one that you are comfortable living with.
If, in your heart, you truly would prefer to drive home at 3 am and be tired and upset than to drive home at 10pm feeling not so tired, but perhaps even more alone or rejected, then perhaps it is not the boundary that you should be trying to set at this time. You probably wouldn't stick to it if you are not firmly resolved to. It is not all about what HE wants or what I want. It is about what YOU want and also accepting that sometimes you can't have what you WANT but you can still negotiate respectfully.
Cog